you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
