There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just cropdusted the office
it was like eating out sand paper
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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