We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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