Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
