Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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