Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
