I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
