so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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