he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
