just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
