I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
