singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
