It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
