i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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