you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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