someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize