I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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