Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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