Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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