Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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