I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
