You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
