did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Me too!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
