in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
