No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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