This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
