New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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