Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
