and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
