are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
