And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
