Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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