Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
