hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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