maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
