I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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