i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
