I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
