I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
