so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
