The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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