Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
