i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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