In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
