I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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