Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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