remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just pee around me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
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