That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
