bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
