thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
