I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
