Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
