She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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