I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
