Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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