the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
