We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
