just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
