I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
