that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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