Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize