Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
