they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
