You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
