Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
