nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
