i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
