He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
