is your mom at the bar?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
