I just threw up on my dentist
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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