I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
