Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My life is pants optional.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize