who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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