you win again, gameday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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